久しぶりです

God help me please. I am too depressed for my sake. I don't know but this is eating me whole. I want to get out of my house and not see. But someone doesn't want me to leave because of money. I know I need to stop it but just a few more I am turning suicidal. I don't know what I want anymore. Its funny. A while ago, Father's sermon was knowing what you want and asking God for it. How can I ask now? I feel strangled and limited and deprived. Like I don't have the right to be happy anymore. Please help me.

--ニコル