StressReliever

ただいま！ I just realized . It's cool how music is a stress reliever for me now . I realized it only a while ago when I was talking with Jedd . I didn't have any music that relaxes me before . I didn't really listen to music for a few terms . So I didn't have it . And even if I can listen to music . It doesn't relax me the way it does to me now . Ughh me talking about Arashi again . Gomen (｡-_-｡) anyways I'll blog again (⌒-⌒; ) じゃね！ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ

--ニコル

OctoberBum

In all honesty . I've been waiting for October since July . but in all honesty . the only good thing that came out of October is the fact that I'm back to school . but in general . October sucks . I really hate this month . I can state lots of good things this month but I really hate this month right now . too many bad things I think keep happening one thing after another . I really feel depressed and hurt . too many negative feelings . But I want to state the positives .

I want to say that Brent and Ate Gale lives with us now . I really think Brent is a good influence for me right now . We have this mutual need for one another . I think he needs someone to shower him with affections . and that's what I've been doing . I really think he needs all the attention he can get so I give it to him . He's a very kind kid . I want to point out that he doesn't fight back when you hit him . which is sad . couz' he can't defend himself and he just cries . I really want him to be comfortable as a person . I don't want him to become someone like me . I want to say the good thing he does for me . He's a stress outlet for me . This might be rude but I would describe his effect on me like a pet's effect on his master . You know . like after a long day, you get home and find your pet very glad to see you . which makes you (as a master) happy as well . when you pat a pet's head or snuggle . you get that effect . It relieves you of stress . that's his effect on me . He actually waits for me and sleeps with me . It makes me very happy to have him and it makes me very happy to take care of him . Tho I have to reprimand him from time to time to let him know if he did something wrong . Well he isn't used to life here yet so I guess I really need to have a good eye on him .

--ニコル

I realized something again just now . I don't know how to express myself properly anymore . I can't post like I used to . I remember I used to type non stop when I blog . but now . I don't know anymore . there are too many pauses in between . too many words to consider . too many feelings that can't be put in to words . I guess I honestly don't know anymore . I'm too lost.

ZeroCredibility

I don't know why . but I constantly find myself in situations where I need to thoroughly explain myself . my lola , my tita , my neighbors , my parents , my friends , even my boyfriend . people question my credibility as a person . I guess its more than the issue of trust now . I really don't know how to be happy anymore I guess . And I also realized I've gotten used to being called stupid . I don't know who and what I am .

hey reader . I want to ask you a question . try to ask yourself this .

What is the Difference between Love and Romance?

 I have a personal answer to this now . I've been asking myself this question for 3 months now . I'll try to explain next time . till then! じゃね！

Just wanted to quote

Never reply when u r angry
Never make a promise when u r happy
Never make a decision when u r sad

Trouble

medyo masakit din pala . alam mo yung nag bbuild ka ng relationship with one person . and to know that the other person suddenly kind of distrusted you because of another person's fault . its annoying and frustrating that they would do that to you . I honestly feel betrayed . tho its not really their fault . I can't help but feel really betrayed . I didn't give my phone number to them for a reason . and basically this is one of the reasons why and it sucks couz they knew it not from the person itself but from someone else . ok ill stop . this is too depressing . I'm hating the situation more and more . I've already been cursing since last night .

VideoRipper

honestly . I'm at my last days of being a hikikomori . I had no qualms with myself during this time . I realized a lot of things . learned a lot as well . I also became at least a bit more dependable . in a way ? anyways . one of the things I'm kinda proud a bit about is my curiosity to codes is back . I'm kinda back to looking at some codes in the net and I'm kinda learning how to rip them :))) I know this is evil . but I think its also mean my idol's agency doesn't really recognize international fans like myself . so some people like us really have to work hard to watch our idols . haha it's funny . we're already learning the language . We also have to work hard finding old/new shows of our idols . honestly not all people from the fandom like to share . any ways this post isn't really because of my idols . its just . I really think they made me do some things I didn't think I'd do ~.~ like ripping off from the net . You can only imagine how many i've downloaded from  the net by now ~.~ anyways I wanna share . Just a few moments ago I am about to know how to download directly from youtube . I know how to do so from others . but not yet from vimeo and youtube . I kinda use third party rippers . now I'm learning how to download directly from youtube :))) >:)) anyways . 全くね！おやすみなさい！

ニコルでした！
じゃね！

edited 2:10am
surprisingly this is kinda hard :)) damn this youtube . でも、頑張りますよ！だから見ている！じゃね！