I'm just wondering . what in the world makes me deserve all this shit thrown at me ?

random thought . おやすみなさい

--NicoLe`

Confession

I realized I'm not really very friendly . I can honestly say that now . whenever I don't want to talk to someone . I just don't . I guess I really have problems getting along with people . lets list them shall we?

• I'm frank (both positive and negative)
• I keep quiet when

1. I hate the topic
2. I hate the speaker
3. I feel offended
4. I think there is nothing to talk about

• I get irritated easily
• I hate saying things wrong . so whenever there is something I want to thoroughly explain and feel like it would be misunderstood . I don't bother saying them most of the time . even if it is the so called rebuttal I have

But honestly there are times when I don't speak my mind . The reason may be confidence . to be honest I kinda hate being judged so I keep my mind to myself whenever I feel like some people don't think like me . I can say I have a complex mind . very complex . I guess zodiaccity was right Virgos are better expressing themselves in written form rather than verbally . even if I do consider myself good in public speaking . ugh I hate myself

--NicoLe`

I feel numb and insignificant . Un-needed . Like nobody really supports me . I don't mean my boyfriend . He's the greatest pillar I have . And I feel a lot worse knowing I hurt his feelings like this . I can't be strong for him couz I can't be strong for myself . I actually feel my body deteriorating . Is there still any point in taking care of myself ? I don't know . All self actualizations gone .

I've been thinking . why do they make me do all their stuff ? I mean . They call me useless and all that stuff . but why do they make me do their work ? There is like more million people in this country alone . and the truth is I am not the only relative they have in this country . so why do they trust the person they call useless/inutil ?
honestly . I feel like being alone . not that I mind Mikee is here and all but I just want to be really alone . like how I really feel . this day must really be cursed

Nevermind that last post
I was treated like shit again . The post just before this was supposed to make me feel better . Well positive feelings are all gone now . people just love to ridicule me . Mongoloid, Stupid, Useless . Damn this
SIGURO NGA MAS MABUTI PA HINDI NA AKO MAG ARAL . WALA NAMAN DIN KAYO NAPAPALA . JUST MAKE ME MORE STUPID

DramaIWatched

Just gonna make a list of all the drama I watched this summer of mine (not in particular order)

• リッチマン、プアウーマン (Rich Man, Poor Woman)
• 花より男子～ファイナル～ (Hana Yori Dango Final (Movie) (Again))
• 最後の約束 (Saigo no Yakusoku)
• ごくせん (Gokusen)
• バーテンデー (Bartender)
• きみわペット (Kimi wa pet)
• 夏の恋は虹色に輝く(Natsu no Koi wa Nijiiro ni Kagayaku)
• わが家の歴史 (Wagaya no Rekishi)
• 探偵学園Q (Tantei Gakuen Q)
• 流星の絆 (Ryusei no Kizuna)
• デスノト (Death Note Movie 1, 2 & 3)
• ガンツ前編 (Another Gantz)
• ガンツ (Gantz)
• 黄色い涙 (Yellow Tears)
• 山田太郎ものがたり (Yamada Taro Monogatari)
• フリーター家を買う (Freeter ie o kau)
• パラヂス・キス (Paradise Kiss)
• ぱぱわイドル (Papa wa idol!)
• 特上カバチ!! (Tokujo Kabachi!!)
• もう誘拐なんてしない (Mou Yuukai Nante Shinai)
• 日本人の知らない日本語 (Nihonjin no shiranai Nihongo)
• 謎解きはディナーのあとで (Nazotoki wa Dinner no Ato de)
• ハチミツトクローバー (Hachimitsu to Clover)
• ザ・クイズショウ (The Quiz Show)
• 家族ゲーム (Kazoku Game)

I dunno if i would watch more . but most probably yes . I just wanted to list it here . for future references ? not sure ~.~ I also get the feeling this list isn't complete ~.~ well I'll update it if i can or would . Jan ne!

--NicoLe`

Tagalog Rant
MAKA SABI KAYONG WALA AKONG KWENNTANG KAUSAP KALA NYO ANG AYOS NYO DIN KAUSAP . NAKAKA INIS KAYO NAMPUTA . MAKA UTOS KAYO WAGAS . PAG AYOKO GAWIN PINIPILIT NYO . WALA NAMAN AKO PAKE . GINAGAWA KO LANG NAMAN PINAPAGAWA NYO . TINATANONG NYO AKO SA MGA DETALYADO . DI NYO DIN NAMAN AKO TINATANONG NG AYOS . DI NYO KO ALIPIN . KUNG MAY GUSTO KAYO TANUNGIN NYO DIN AKO NG AYOS . MAKA SABI KAYO NG TANGA KALA NYO ANG TALINO NYO . BULL SHIT DIN KAYO . SIGURO KAYA NGA AKO TANGA . MAY MAKUKUHAAN DIN NAMAN AKO EE

KanjiProblems

I just wanna admit it now . The reason I can't focus on studying Japanese is because of the sources I have . They keep crashing . They keep changing . Whenever I find a good one . I doesn't teach you all the way . half assed b*tches . It's so frustrating ! but I am kinda happy I can understand most of it now . though I have to find translators here and there on certain words and terms . I seriously can't find good sources of kanji lists . I can find some but with so little explanations . its frustrating like hell! I actually feel like crying a lot . its so sad T.T I honestly need help on this but I don't know who to ask help to ~.~ frustrated again as usual :(
I guess I'll just try harder on finding .

じゃね！
--ニコル

TumblrThing

I've been hating myself for my excessive obsession for new information with whatever I can see on the net . connecting or not connecting to things I really need to know about . Its also annoying that I get to be aware that I need to stop myself from reading more . but ITS INCURABLE how I can't stop myself seeking for more information . Do I have another Psychological illness ? God help me please .

Anyways I want to share some things I learned about myself again . Well I guess some are explained with my zodiac sign . I wanna share some that I find interesting and RELATIVELY my personality .

Credits to owner .
--NicoLe`