DepressionRant

Sorry but my previous post wasn't posted . it got deleted when I was supposed to post it . couz basically I keep on posting using my phone . well it is a lot more convenient that I get to make a blog post when I am idle . Mostly when I am on a vehicle . well I get more creative when I am sitting on a passenger seat . anyway the reason why I am telling you this is couz the previous "unposted" post I made comprises of negative energies and I think a little info on what I am about to expect . well its annoying that 4 stories were destroyed with one error . I think I prefer not writing them again but I guess I will write something else . Well I am currently depressed about a lot of things . well mostly I feel like the earth moves around me too much and I get too far behind . People around me are progressing and I am still stuck at ground 1 . I read a whole series and felt sad to end the whole series in a span of 10 days and wanting more . I feel utterly ridiculous . I might be suffering from PMS but that doesn't stop the facts and I know my mind is straight . I am ill again because of my sister but I don't take meds . its not like it makes any difference . I almost always have colds now . Every month I guess ? I feel restless and I don't have money on me to help support people who live here . I hate having the responsibility of handling the money . I can't even spend money without thinking of them first . I almost always think I have something to eat while they don't . which is impractically false . They actually have the leisure of eating at will without worry of money running out . they may but only due to current situation rather than the whole . it's weird that someone like me has non teenager problems . I realize Jedd is right about one thing in me . On the outside, I really don't look like I bear this kinds of problems . I just look like the bubbly stupid girl from the org . I also want to say I am currently suffering from severe lack of self esteem . like the old one . The only difference now is that I get to bear it with a lot of other problems I bear now . More mature for this fragile-y stupid mind of mine . I never really knew I was going to bear problems that had to do with money . well I was never really accustomed to handling money . I really feel like breaking my heart to pieces . I honestly also wanna tell this . There is a possibility of me leaving the country by next month . I am so lost . I don't really know what to feel .

--NicoLe`