trust issues . I get it . I lack it . I still dont know how to handle it . Is it beacuse I was afraid of my mom unknowingly . and tend to not trust everyone ? I hate the fact that I keep barricading myself . but can't help impulses especially when pressured or fear . I still keep hating myself especially when I reflect on my time alone . or when I disappoint jedd . I really feel a lot more unworthy and unforgivable . I even hated myself again when I remember I promised not to lie to kesha when I go out with him . I feel that I would disappoint him again . and I would be subjectible to punishment and I would beg the law for mercy . once again I hate being too imaginative . I'm too off track . I wish I can do what I promised . I feel like I'm betraying . that is why I hate promising :'(
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